I have no cigarettes
I’m cranky as all hell
I’m sore all over
itchy and headached
I’m about to go to work
where I play chipper to people who don’t want to give the rich bastards of Reed College
one more dime
but I have to ask anyway
be friendly
thank them for past donations and their time
do not apologize for calling
don’t simply follow the script
start with a casual, interested conversation about their experience
people love to talk about themselves
be pleasant
smile, you can hear a smile through the phone
and never
apologize for calling
no matter how sorry you are


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