When I hold you…
When I feel my finger on your trigger…
Its really getting me down have to always write my journal on other people’s computer. I feel like I never really get to an honest entry, cause I’m always having someone over my shoulder, or on my way somewhere. And mainly I’m just jealous of mikes latest entry. Why the hell can’t I write anymore? Its been a long time since anything worth a goddamn came from my keyboard. All I get these days is fragments. Mostly pieces of possible songs that never happen. I’m everything to everyone/ but it aint me. My overdramatic anthem these days is Yer Blues. “Yess I”m LONELY…..WAwna DIEhai, said I”m LOOOOonnely/ Wawna DAaaaHaiiii” Walked out over the Ross Island bridge tonight. It was a perfect bridge sitting night. The soft warm breeze after a hothot day. Watching the city like a pretty picture of lights and sounds, like it doesn’t really contain anything. Its those cheesy moments of romanticism I realized I’m missing these days. I don’t run off on the flights of fancy that let me be alone with my mind. Its all my fault. Never giving myself my movie moments, the ones that need a soundtrack, soft summer night scenes, looking over water from roaring bridges full of rumbling trucks and drivers honking cause they think I’m about to jump off. Why else would someone sit ponderously ominous on a bridge at 3 in the morning? Why would anyone stand on a bridge, looking over the side unless they were planning to make a dramatic swandive into the freezing filth of the willamete. Of course, realizing why people were honking at me made this thought cross my mind for the first time since I’d walked out to the center of the suspended concrete. I stood on a low rail and leaned way out to the dark sparkle of endless water. Wouldn’t even do the job I thought. I’d get a few broken bones and a concussion, as well as pneumonia from freezing dirty water. Fun.
Why don’t people look from bridges just to look?
Everyone should stop and see a city from a bridge.
Its much prettier, if cheesier
Make your movie moment
Especially when the only people watching are the ones waiting for you to jump.

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