This is it:
the narrowed list of people I am still comfortable reading this. Its a small list. I suppose it should be. Anyway, this is a step better than privatizing the thing completely I think. The whole reason I have this thing is so that I can easily keep in touch and read up on friends, and vice versa. Otherwise I’d just write in notepad or in a little black book as usual, there’d be no point really…anyway, No need to talk about that shit anymore, too much said already.

What really matters-
First thought with consciousness the past three mornings gone:
Morgan’s still dead.
Wondering how many mornings this will be my first thought
how long until the day when I don’t wake up thinking
“I’m not going to see morgan today, again.”

how long does it take to sink in?
Morgan’s body covering me like a shroud
how long till it dissolves
and sinks beneath my skin?
soaks into my bones and
hardens into a crust around my heart?
how long till its been too long
to remember the things I NEED to remember
till the clutter of useless fact rubs his face to a dorky, grinning blur
in the projectors of my skull?

I spend
too long looking at the caps from my drinks
“elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump” fact no. 144
or “Mosquitoes have 47 teeth” fact no. 673
or “The average woman will consume six pounds of lipstick in her lifetime”
fact no. 228
over this sad slice of pizza or that long lonely cigarette, when I should be
committing to memory
the spike of the hair
the jaw-curve
the wild dark eyes
like pits in the round skull

Wondering if I should go to the Portland Memorial to find his ghost
jacking off in a corner
the goofy grin on his face
asking if I’ve still got his book, and did
I take good care of it?

yeah, still got it.
And ask does he know, dolphins have the largest
penis to body-size ratio of any animal? Its fact no. 304

just to hear him crack,
“here’s to re-incaration then!”
as he lifts a dark drink towards me
in the gloom, among the other skeletons


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