for the first time in so long I can’t remember. The closest I’ve come to this place since last march is elliott circle to drop people off, then I go roaring out the drive like the place is going to swallow me before I make my right hand turn. Now, here I am. I’m “casual” nonchalant, just walking around, pretending not to recognize everyone, everyone pretending not to be surprised to see me walking around, “casual.” Got my id renewed, $10. “Welcome Back.” The lady said, as though I weren’t really Welcome in the slightest. My Superior calm and mild casual “tude” is due to the handy sheild of my music from my nifty new ipod. “huh?”
Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t have to acknowledge your presence. You don’t get to know what I’m rocking to, who is making my head bob at the computer. I am “Snob.” Monday classes start. I don’t know how to feel. I’m not going to spend the next 2 years hiding from this place. I just have to slide through it, casual as I wanna be, effortlessly throwing off stress and stupid people, no more leaving a swath of social destruction in my wake, those days are past. I am New Man. Different. Right?

Anyway. I can’t tell if I’m beating my latest cold or if it’s beating me. Its a back and forth kind of war, but I’m so used to being sick at this point that at times I almost forget what “health” feels like, so comparatively, its not so bad. The least sick I felt, surprisingly, was on stage last night. I had less tremors than usual, and sang my guts out in a way that felt really good. Still some self-depricating mumbles between songs, but I’m working on that, there were less than usual. I’m getting used to it. Finally. I’ve given up on the music thing so many times, but I always get dragged back in. I can’t put it down. So even though there was a select 10 people in the immensity of the Viscount ballroom, I’d say it was the best show yet, and I got 20 bucks, and spent it all at the bar, so now I’m back to 0 again, where I oughta be.


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