For anyone who’s ever dealt with a sheisty, mornon booker who writes every response in broken, unpunctuated english and then after months of haggling, tardy communication suddenly “revises” their offer… I hope you get a kick outta this email i sent. I know i did.

“You know hank, of all the booking agents ive dealt with on this tour you are by far the worst. Not only do you obviously not read emails well, you cant be bothered to punctuate or embellish your own with simple human courtesies, like complete sentences, greetings, or “thanks” and always with this huge pile of poorly worded “conditions and terms” at the end…ones that, thanks to your sattershot communication skills, ive now read 100 times.

” Youre slow to respond to my requests but quick to pester me with yours…even when you should be able to deduce that im driving alone between cities… and then theres the real, fundamental problem: that you are infinitely changing your mind, right up to the last minute. You know that $40 doesnt even cover the gas id spend getting to you but id consider it if you didnt come off as such a jerk.

“Good luck with your saturday, and thanks for wasting my time.

-Ed”